About Me

I live in Canada and I grew up in an LDS home with multiple brothers and sisters of course.  I've always been active in the church (totally skipped out on the whole teen rebellion thing).  My wife and have been married for over 25 years  and we have 6 great kids.  I work in the IT industry for a Fortune 500 company and my wife works in a government office.  I've served in the church as Ward Mission Leader, Sunday School President, Gospel Doctrine teacher, Elders Quorum President, Cub Leader and best of all, Junior Primary teacher.

I love movies, writing, reading, model rockets, and driving fast.  I have a list of books and screenplays plotted out that I hope to write someday.  I have not watched one Twilight movie or read any of the books and intend to keep it that way.  I've read Lord of the Rings more often than any other work of fiction.  I am very introspective, and I'm naturally an introvert but I can fake being an enough of an extrovert that you might not notice. 

Our Story

I met my wife at a large youth conference.  It was a perfect match, I was a Peter Priesthood and she was a Molly Mormon.  I knew (and I don't use the word 'knew' lightly) that she was the one and fortunately I was also smart enough to not say anything to her about that until after we were engaged.  She would have freaked out, plus she needed to find out for herself.

I was set apart as a missionary exactly two years to the day after we met and served my mission in England.  Although there were guys who tried to win her over while I was away she was still my girl when I got back and she knew I was the one too.  Less than two months after my return we were engaged, and six months after that we were married in the Washington DC temple.

Everything about our marriage was fantastic, except in the bedroom.  For the first 5 years our sex life was the source of nearly all the conflict, frustration, and hurt in our relationship.  After that it improved somewhat, but I had reached a point where I feared that she only loved me to a certain extent which was lesser than my feelings for her.  Unable to make progress, and perhaps afraid of finding out my fears were well founded, I gave up on trying for anything more than what we had.

We stayed at that point for over 15 years, had 6 wonderful children and faced a bunch of challenges together.  I always loved her, she always loved me, we were faithful and committed to each other and our kids and we were happy but there was something missing and we ignored it, each for our own reasons.

A few years ago I had my eyes opened to what a marriage should be like, and at the same time my wife withdrew even further when it came to intimacy.  Suddenly I realized that if we kept on the path we were on, before long anger and resentment would take over in my heart and who knew what would come after that.  I got serious about fixing the intimacy issues in our marriage.

I bought the book 'And They Were Not Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment' by Laura M. Brotherson and asked my wife is she would commit to spending one night a week reading through it together.  Thankfully she did.

I can't begin to describe how this turned things around.  It got us talking about things we never talked about and reveal things we've kept secret from each other.  It corrected misunderstandings and gave hope where it was all but gone.  We sought out other books, podcasts, and information on marriage as well to find all we could that would be help us make our marriage better.

Over the course of a couple years the change was dramatic.  Before, intimacy was a handful of identical hurried encounters, duty sex that was lacking mutual passion and pleasure and usually preceded by a number of rejections.  Now we are both extremely happy and satisfied in every way and we can't get enough of each other.  It's better than when we were newlyweds, really better.

I have never been happier in my marriage than I am right now.   I've never felt closer or more loved, and never have felt more attachment and devotion to my wife.  She has never felt as fulfilled as a woman or joyful.  Not everything is perfect of course, we still have things we are working on both as individuals and as a couple, but I would have never thought my marriage would be this great.

Much like those who are converts to the church, I am filled with a desire to help others find the kind of joy we have found, and that is why I have this blog.  I'm not an credentialed expert, but I am an experienced veteran and I hope the things I've learned along the way will be of value to others.


  1. What opened your eyes up to the way a marriage should be and gave you the courage to insist upon changes with your wife?

  2. It was more like the fear of losing it all than the courage to insist on change. We were at a point for a long time where our sex life was just kind of tolerable for both of us while everything else was good. Actually for her it wasn't quite so tolerable but I didn't know that. She started withdrawing sexually from me even further, and made it quite clear that if we never had sex again it would be fine with her.

    I started looking online for some kind of help and came across a number of marriage related sites, and I remember reading thread on some board where a number of women talked about how they made it a big priority in their life to be there sexually for their husbands, and how they enjoyed doing that and found both joy and pleasure in it.

    It was such a different kind of sexual relationship than what we had, free of the hurt and rejection I had to deal with. The very idea of a mutually fulfilling sex life was something I didn't dare let myself even think about for so long I forgot it could even exist, but that post woke me up to the possibility at a time when we were moving further away from it. I also woke up to the reality that those negative emotions building up to the point where it was poisoning all the good things in our relationship and saw how eventually this path would lead to a place where I didn't want to be. So I had to do something.