Sunday, 30 June 2013

Is sex really that important?

Obviously, a blog about marriage is going to wind up talking about the sexual dimension of marriage.  Some people might have a hard time with that.  While we proclaim marriage to be a divine and eternal institution, all too often we feel fear, embarrassment or guilt discussing sexual intimacy, even with our own spouse.  I'm sure some people will find this blog and pass by never to return again as soon as the encounter a sexual topic.  If you are tempted to do that now, please stay a bit and let me plead my case to you.

The sexual dimension of marriage is what sets marriage apart from all other relationships.  Every other aspect of a marriage is something you can have in a relationship with a friend, or sibling, or parent.  Sex then is the defining characteristic of marriage.  When God married Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, the fall had not yet taken.  They were commanded to multiply and replenish the earth, to become 'one flesh', to cleave unto each other, all before sin entered the world.  The idea of sex being some 'dirty necessity' because of the fall is false.  Married sex was part and parcel of Paradise as God intended it.

Furthermore, The Proclamation on the Family states "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."  We were male and female in the beginning, and will remain so in the resurection as well.  Those who are faithful will have the opportunity to continue their marriage in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom.  With sex the defining characteristic of marriage, and gender part of our eternal identity and purpose, the reasonable conclusion is that the sexual relationship between a husband and wife will also continue in the Celestial Kingdom for those couples in the highest degree.

Our mortal life is a probationary period, and everything we have in mortality is a stewardship.  For example, parents have a stewardship over their children, not ownership.  We have a stewardship over our time, talents, our body, our life, and our possessions.  If we are good stewards, then the parable of the talents works in our favor.  Having been faithful with few things, we are given much.

The sexual relationship of a marriage is also a stewardship, and the parable of the talents applies to this area of your life.  Those who abuse their sexuality, either by engaging in sexual relations outside of marriage, or by neglecting and starving the sexual relationship they should have with their spouse, will have taken from them even that which they have, and find themselves consigned to state of eternal celibacy if they do not repent.  Those who make better choices shall have eternal lives, and continue to expand their family for all eternity together with their spouse.

There is a cost in mortality to neglecting this stewardship.  A marriage that lacks mutual sexual fulfillment, or any progress towards it, is a source of emotional pain and distress for at least one spouse.  Rather than enjoying the strength and peace that comes from mutual sexual fulfillment in a marriage, they often find themselves in a state that leaves them vulnerable to temptation, depression, anger.  Rather than feeling the closeness of being 'one flesh' there is a gulf of rejection between them.  Left unaddressed, resentments can build up, turn into hostility, rebellion or coldness, and poison even the best relationship to death. 

It's important to note in the parable that not everybody starts off with the same stewardship, and so it is with our sexual stewardship.  Some couples may find their way to mutual sexual fulfillment with relative speed and ease, while another may go through many painful years, even decades, to learn and change so they can get to that same place.  In the end what is important is the direction of the relationship.

So yes, sexual intimacy is important.  Both for the happiness of both spouses during life, and for determining their place in the eternities.  Seeking to get to the point of mutual sexual fulfillment is not just a righteous goal, it is part of your eternal progression.


  1. Yes! I don't have time to comment further now, but as a fellow blogger wanted you to know SOMEONE is reading.

  2. Thanks, didn't mean for it to take so long to get the next post out. It's almost done. Thanks for visiting!