Sunday, 17 November 2013

Two things women need to know about foreplay.

Women are usually considered the experts on foreplay, and seeing as each woman is in a position to  know her body better than anyone else, we men should look to our wives to be our guides and teachers in this area.  All the same, there are some things a woman may need to be told herself. 

It's for more than just getting aroused.
There is a mistaken idea that foreplay is just a warm up for intercourse, and intercourse is where the real pleasure (and orgasms) are found.  Hollywood movies promote this myth nearly every chance they get.  In many cases a woman's sexual pleasure comes more from foreplay than from intercourse and it is estimated that 70% of women can't achieve orgasm from intercourse alone yet nearly all can from sufficient foreplay.  The primary source of female pleasure comes from clitoral stimulation, and most of the time intercourse does little to provide enough action there to bring a woman to climax.

If a woman feels shame over her sexuality, has a case of the 'good girl syndrome', or finds sex unpleasant or painful in some other way, she may move the love making from foreplay to intercourse as soon as she is aroused to speed things up, making it much less likely that she will have an orgasm.  After a while her frustration may lead her to be critical of her spouse, or conclude that there is something 'broken' about her sexual response, when the truth is she is working against herself.  Trying to get it over quickly doesn't 'get it over'.  Likewise if the husband sees her arousal as the only objective of foreplay he may unintentionally deprive her of the pleasure she should receive from him.

Instead, prolong foreplay past the point of arousal.  The wife should give the husband the direction and feedback he needs to make it effective, and encourage him to keep providing the stimulation she enjoys until she is as fully satisfied as possible.  Find what new levels of pleasure can be reached through foreplay and count it as a great success if she climaxes before intercourse takes place.  In some cases an orgasm during foreplay opens the possibility of an orgasm during intercourse as well, or at least a greater level of pleasure.

Men need foreplay too.
It's common to assume that men do not require any foreplay.  They are ready to go at a moment's notice and don't want anything to delay getting to 'the good stuff'. 

Not all men fit that stereotype, especially once they hit middle age.  Once past 40 testosterone levels usually start to fall and it is not uncommon for them to start needing their wife to participate in foreplay for the sake of his arousal rather than only recieveing his attention.

Men need foreplay even when that is not the case though.  While they may not need any foreplay at all to get fully aroused, they do need it to feel wanted, desired, appreciated and loved by their spouse.  They want affirmation that their wife has sexual feeling for him, that she enjoys making love with him, and that she is giving herself to him with enthusiasm. 

A wife will have to learn about her husbands foreplay  needs the same as he needs to learn hers.  There must be open communication and even experimentation.  It may be seeing his wife in lingerie, hearing her express her intimate thoughts to him, kissing, touching, dancing for him or other things.  Investing the time and effort in making sure that foreplay meets both her needs for physical stimulation and his needs for emotional stimulation will have a huge return in terms of your bond with each other.


  1. In the book She Comes First, the author uses the term "coreplay" to describe foreplay taken to the point of sexual release as a legitimate option to intercourse. In spite of Bill Clinton's protestation otherwise, it is an option for "sexual relations" with your spouse.

    With aging spouses, men in particular, they type of stimulation used in foreplay may be needed as either increased or constant ministrations to achieve and erection or maintain adequate firmness for sexual activities.

  2. There is another book "All Night Long: How to Make Love to a Man Over 50" by Keesling Barbara that relates to this as well. I've got a copy but haven't read it yet.